110 Worst Porn Movie Titles

First off, let’s set out the criteria : a BAD porn movie title does the opposite of its intention, which is to arouse your interests and convince you to buy the tape. Nope, these titles work against them — they disgust, confuse or just plain turn you off. I’ve divided them up into 5 categories : 1) Gross, 2) Groan, 3) Stupid, 4) What The Hell, and 5) The Porn Store Clerk Laughed At Me. I’ll elaborate later.

There are a number of exclusions. Foreign titles are out because a bad translation is out of the original namer’s control. Ethnic videos were also excluded because they’re all pretty offensive, so “Chicken Chow Mine” and “Sushi Girls #24 – Stir Fry Snatch” are not on the list, as well as pretty much all the black videos. (I have never seen so many uses of the words “ho” and “booty” in my life.) Gay is out because the titles always make me giggle or extremely uncomfortable. Also, any movie titles describing a disgusting sex act were disqualified because that’s a personal bias. So you don’t get “Bust A Nut In Grandma’s Butt” because some people like old women. Really old women. Yikes. “Edward Penishands” was immediately out because that one pops up on EVERYBODY ELSE’S Best Porn Movie Title list because it is actually an awesome title. I saw that movie. That had to be the worst porn shoot ever for that poor guy.

To research this article, I used the online database of over 70,000 movies at http://excaliburfilms.com. They’re all real titles — look them up if you want to. (I’m not linking to each one of these !) I have not seen all of these films. Actually, I have not seen any of these films. And I don’t want to — hence, this list. It is certainly not definitive, I simply could not review every single porn movie title ever. You have to draw a limit somewhere. The list is numbered, but it is not ranked because I can’t be bothered. You may also disagree with my choices because the title actually turns you on. I don’t care. You’re sick.

GROSS – these are disgusting titles that should turn you off completely :

1. THE ANAL GIRLS OF TOBACCO ROAD 2 : VAGINA SLIMES
2. LET’S PLAY STAIN THE COUCH
3. CRACK WHORES OF AMERICA
4. PRIME CUTS – YO QUIERO TACO SMELL
5. AMATEURS ONLY #129 – I’M A BROWN SHIT-HOLED WHORE
6. SEX STARVED FUCK SLUTS #22 – STINKY WHITE WOMEN

GROAN – bad puns, horrible plays on words, stupid Hollywood movie name adaptations :

7. DUDE, WHERE’S MY DILDO ?
8. ULTRA KINKY #79 – BOWLIN’ IN HER COLON
9. ASS-HOLE O MIO
10. HOMEGROWN VIDEO #489 : FUCK THE CANUCK
11. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE VAGINA
12. GOOD ASSTERNOON
13. BACKDOOR ADVENTURES OF BUTTHEAD AND BEAVER
14. HINDFELD
15. TEA BAGGER VANCE
16. MUSIC TO FUCK TO – ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES A LABIA
17. GERANALMO
18. BRASSIERE TO ETERNITY
19. TIG OL’ BITTIES
20. MOULIN SPLOOGE
21. TITS OF FURY
22. GERMAN WHORE FARE
23. SHE’S NOT A LESBIAN … SHE’S A VAGITARIAN
24. TOOKIE RAIDER
25. MUFFUGNUGEN
26. PRIME CUTS – ONE FELL INTO THE POO-POO’S NEST
27. FILTHY FUCKERS #184 – POKE ‘ER MON
28. RIMMERAMA
29. HOOTERS AND THE BLOWJOBS
30. HUNG WANKENSTEIN

STUPID – poorly chosen titles for various reasons :

31. SEX
32. THE SPLENDOR OF HELL
33. COCKLESS 19
34. WET AND FROSTY
35. WHY THINGS BURN
36. AMATEURS ONLY #131 – HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS GOING TO TAKE
37. BABY GIR
38. ANAL CHIROPRACTOR
39. HUSH ! MY MOTHER MIGHT HEAR US !
40. S.I.D.S. – SEXUALLY INTRUSIVE DYSFUNCTIONAL SOCIETY
41. PRICE IS RIGHT
42. SNOW WHITE AND THE THREE DWARFS
43. ABS OF CUM
44. DEAD MEN DON’T WEAR RUBBERS
45. SEX IN THE COMICS
46. TOPLESS BRAIN SURGEONS..
47. YOUR QUIM IS MY GYM
48. THEORY OF RELATIVITY
49. FELANALINGUS
50. K-FCK … THE ONLY THING MISSING IS YOU !
51. BRIANNA LEE’S RED HOT WEINIE ROAST
52. UNBALANCED CHEMICALS
53. STRAIGHT A STUDENTS
54. LET’S PLAY ANAL TWISTER
55. TUG BOAT
56. HEROIN
57. HAMLET : FOR THE LOVE OF OPHELIA #1
58. ACID SEX
59. ADULT MOVIE (A.K.A. PORN MOVIE)
60. RI DICK U LOUS – CHOCOLATE CAN HARDLY HANDLE IT !
61. FAT THE BALD AND THE UGLY
62. SANDWICH OF LOVE
63. PERVERTED ADVENTURES OF SUPER DAVE #1
64. AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A FLEA
65. FRYSTIX
66. ALL ANAL ON THE WESTERN FRONT
67. HITLER SUCKS
68. MASK
69. SKID ROW
70. ANAL FIREBALL

WHAT THE HELL … ? – No clue, no idea, no sale :

71. AIRTIGHT GRANNY
72. SECRETARIA EJECUTIVA #1 – BROAD OF DIRECTORS
73. SHRIMPIN’ LOBSTER SAUCE
74. A HORSE’S TAIL
75. E-THREE THE EXTRA TESTICLE
76. SIRLOIN TITS & TSA Locks
77. BIG AS THIS BOX #1
78. TITALLICA – MASTER OF PUPPIES
79. MEAT LOAF – TV DINNER BOX BIG, HUGE, MEATY COCKS
80. ONION PLANET
81. WHITE MEN CAN’T IRON ON BUTT ROW
82. SUPER DRIPPING WET SERIES #3 – CARNAL CASSEROLE
83. KID VEGAS WATCH ME CAMP BITCH !

THE PORN STORE CLERK LAUGHED AT ME – titles that are so stupidly funny, you can’t stop laughing and enjoy the movie :

84. CLIMAX SHOTS #70 – MY BROWN EYE, NOT THE WINKER, THE STINKER
85. BUMPIN DONUTS
86. H.R. MUFF N’ STUFF
87. AMBER THE LESBIAN QUEEFER
88. MAY THE FORESKIN BE WITH YOU
89. RED HOT CHO CHOS
90. WILLIE WANKER AND THE FUDGE PACKING FACTORY
91. PRETTY LIL’ SISTAS #1 – BEAUTIFUL BLACK POPOZUDAS !
92. BEEPING MISS BUFFY
93. BACKDOOR LAMBADA
94. WALL TO WALL #24 – HELLO TITTY
95. ACAPULCO #1 – MALIBOOBIES
96. BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE ULTRA MILKMAIDS
97. AFRO-CENTRIX #36 – PUMPIN’ THE PO-PO
98. WHAT’S THE LESBIAN DOING IN MY PIRATE MOVIE ?
99. LUSTY LIFE #89 – SLIDE YOUR LONG LOAF IN MY HOT OVEN
100. ADVENTURES OF THE FART BITCHES
101. Jerk Your Cum Crayon And Color Me White
102. Beverly Hills 9021-Ho !
103. I Saw Mommy Eating Santa Claus
104. 21 Hump Street
105. Butt Nuggets
106. Sperms Of Endearment
107. Yank My Doodle, It’s A Dandy
108. Hairy Honies #11 – Furburgers
109. Indiana Joan and the Black Hole of Mammoo
110. Big, Brown, Bomb Boo-Yow Booty, Brazilian Bitches

via Brad Yung

10 thoughts on “110 Worst Porn Movie Titles

  1. :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
    Wow, I am really not sure what to say…these ARE TERRIBLE. You would think someone, somewhere along the lines of production would say “Hey, you know, this title really sucks, and not in a good way.” It’s like they gave monkeys stickers with dirty words on them and just let them go to town on the boxes. Yank My Doodle, It’s A Dandy? I refer to my dogs as a doodle sometimes, as in “DUDE! Don’t lick your doodle on my bed!” but for a porn? If a guy EVER referred to his little man as a DOODLE in bed with me, I would fall out of the bed laughing, abandon my bra and leave immediately. Even if it was my own house! I just really, really, really don’t know what else to say. I need to go find some happy before bed, these are NOT things I want to dream about….EWWWWW

    BTW – Fantastic entry – totally stumbled!

  2. I would have to agree with Mandi. These are frikkin’ terrible, but still hilarious.

    “MUSIC TO FUCK TO – ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES A LABIA” I think that’s my favorite :mrgreen:

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