And I mean really fell down. Hard. Like, throwing all your worldly possessions into the wind to catch yourself as you fall, leaving a debris field behind you as you lean forward with ever increasing flat footed heavy steps only to lean forward far enough to get to the point of no return and crash. Yea, that hard.
For me, it was about a year ago. A buddy of mine was at my house. He had come over to show me the new car he had bought. Not a “NEW” car in the common sense of the word, but new to him. It was a Ford Festiva (yea, it’s and oldie), and it was a stick shift. He had plans of making some sort of Redneck hump jumping, trail riding, mud skipping go cart out of it.
I walked him out to his car as he was leaving. He got in, and turned the key when I heard that all too familiar GGRRRIIINNDDDD noise coming from under the hood. Dead Battery. I thought about grabbing some jumper cables and hooking them up real quick to get him on his way, but then thought out loud, “Nah, I’ll just push you. Once I get you rolling, dump the clutch and it will start right up.”
I was leaned forward pretty far with my hands on the back hatch, but my driveway is on a slight slope, and it was a Ford Festiva that I was pushing, (Hell, I probably weighed more than the car did) so I had no problem getting him rolling.
He dumped the clutch a lot sooner than I expected. And he floored it. The object that I was holding on to (while I was leaning very far forward) shot out in front of me like it was in a competition to make it on the next “The Fast and The Furious” movie.
My feet immediately began slamming the asphalt with big flat footed “plops” as my body tried feverishly to catch up to its own center of gravity while my arms pinwheeled out of control.
Have you ever seen a race car go into a long skid, then suddenly start flipping end over end and coming apart? That was me.
I skidded and tumbled, eventually coming to rest on my back. My worldly possessions were scattered behind, beside and beyond me. My phone was out in front of me, my jacket was behind me, and my underwear lay beside me, whimpering.
My dignity was gone, and my friend had sped around the curve without even a glance back at the carnage that lay in his wake. I was all alone. Bruised and battered, I made my way back to the house where I soaked in a hot salt bath for hours.
So what about you? When was the last time you fell down?
Tags: Asphalt, Center Of Gravity, Clutch, common sense, Dead Battery, Debris Field, Ford Festiva, Hatch, Hump, Jumper Cables, Mud, New Car, Oldie, Plops, Point Of No Return, Possesions, Race Car, Redneck, Slope, Stick Shift, Worldly Possessions
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