Posts Tagged “neighbors”

Living in this part of West Virginia has its perks, but some people take it to the extreme.

My neighbor is a perfect example of this. I like the guy, I truly do, but he really pushes the limits around this place.

I live in a small town, on a one lane road that was recently upgraded from a “dirt” road to a road of teeny tiny gravels held together by tar. Sticky tar, mind you. The kind that bubbles up when the Sun beats down on it. The kind that sticks to your tires for a couple of revolutions before coming off and sticking to your paint. Yea, that kind.

It’s a quiet little community, for the most part. There are never any sirens, no train whistles, no flashing lights. Just the occasional sound of dogs barking, and frogs croaking. Until about 10pm, that is.

After 10pm all hell seems to break loose. It sounds like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only it’s in West Virginia.

My neighbor has every bit of 20+ Stihl Chainsaws in his outbuilding. I kid you not. The man has more chainsaws than everyone else I know, combined.

For some reason, around 10pm on certain nights, he decides to start them, and squeeze the gas wide open on each one until they get “warmed up”.

Did I mention that he wears hearing aids? He does, and I bet you that he turns those baby’s all the way down to drown out the scream of the motors as they cry in pain from the persistent blast of fire in their cylinders.

I don’t think he has any idea of just how loud those things are. I’m not the type of person to complain, and I normally wouldn’t, but when he wakes me, my wife, and my daughter up, on a regular basis, I think it is time we have a talk.

And his wife, oh my God. Her bedroom window is right at the corner where these noise beasts from hell are sitting, screaming, and spewing their obscenities. I don’t understand how she can listen to that, so closely, without going out there, grabbing one of the beasts and dicing him up with it. Hell, even I want to do it sometimes.

I wonder if this is some type of OCD that causes him to do this? I also wonder about what would be the best way to approach him and tell him that he is keeping the entire neighborhood awake for hours on end? I hate to cause trouble with the guy, he seems like a genuinley good person. That, and I don’t want to cause trouble with someone who owns that many chainsaws, either.

As I perused one of my daily haunts, pointless-drivel.com, home of the fabulous Mr. Fab who recently moved several hundred miles closer to me, Kentucky to be exact, was amazed at the audacity of his neighbor who came barging out of his house only to go into a tirade because Mr. Fab mowed a tiny bit over onto his property. I agree with Mr. Fab and his way of thinking that most people wouldn’t mind their neighbor mowing a little extra grass. I know I don’t mind, that’s less that I have to mow.

Welcome to Dixie Land USA!

The place where a property line can turn even the best neighbor into a bickering idiotic fool.

And I must say, unfortunately, that some of my neighbors are the worst around. They all get along until someone crosses the line, literally.

Allow me to gossip about my neighbors for a while.

One neighbor (neighbor “A”) had some huge pine trees in his yard. Not only were they tall, they were very round also. The trees were never trimmed, and the limbs had overgrown the property boundaries. My other neighbor (neighbor “B”) screamed, cussed, and stomped every time he tried to mow his yard because the pine tree limbs were in his way. There were several fights over these trees until neighbor “A” decided he would just hire someone to cut the trees down and clean up the mess.

Neighbor “B” thought this was a great idea. No more ugly ass pine trees. No more pine needles in the pool. No more sap dripping on his head as he mowed. He was happy alright, until the tree cutters showed up along with their heavy equipment.

Neigbor “B” quickly parked his vehicles at the edge of his property line and put his lawn chair in his pickup truck so he could kick back and “watch” the tree cutters.

He dared them to even get a limb on his property. And God forbid any sawdust should blow on his vehicles. The windows are down for Pete’s sake! Do you know how hard it is to vacuum out sawdust?! And the sap, Oh My God! the sap. It will eat the paint off my vehicles!

The tree trimmers packed up their stuff and left just as quickly as they arrived.

Neighbor “B” continues to cuss (although not quite as loud) every time he has to mow around the limbs that are now sticking across his property line even farther.

Neighbor “A” thinks it is funny.

I think it is funny.

Neighbor “B” is an asshole.

With neighbors like this, it isn’t any wonder that health insurance and property insurance is so high.