Posts Tagged “love”

Every morning, I get out of bed and blow my nose. It’s a horrendous mess of snot and blood that nearly exceeds what can be held by a tissue. Sometimes it takes two.

Every morning, after emptying my mucous laden nostrils, I look at what just came out. It’s just a quick peek before I toss the slimy, wet mess into the trash can.

And every time, I am grossed out.

Why? WHY? WHY do I do this?!What about you?

Do you peek? And for the love of God, WHY?

• 

  Vain:  You love the smell of your own farts.

• Amiable:  You love the smell of other people’s farts.

• Proud:  You think your farts are exceptionally fine.

• Shy:  You release silent farts and then blush.

• Impudent:  You boldly fart out loud and then laugh.

• Unfortunate:  You try really hard to fart, but you poop instead.

• Scientific:  You fart regularly but you’re concerned about pollution.

• Nervous:  You stop in the middle of your fart.

• Honest:  You admit that you farted but offer good medical reasons.

• Dishonest:  You far and then blame the dog.

• Foolish:  You suppress your farts for hours.

• Thrifty:  You always keep a couple of good farts in reserve.

• Anti-Social:  When the need arises, you excuse yourself from the room and fart in private.

• Strategic:  You fart and then conceal it with loud coughing.

• Sadistic:  You fart in bed and then pull the cover up over your partner’s head.

• Intellectual:  You can determine from the smell of any fart exactly what food item had been consumed.

• Athletic:  You fart at the slightest exertion.

• Miserable:  You would love to let one out, but you are unable to fart.

• Sensitive:  You fart and then start crying.

Does anyone know of any retail franchises that sales the above pictured undies? I would love to buy some.

1.) Cover your stump before you hump
2.) Don’t be silly, protect your Willie
3.) Don’t be a loner, cover your boner
4.) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
5.) If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey
6.) The right selection, is to protect your erection
7.) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
8.) No glove, no love
9.) Cloak the joker before you poke her
10.) Don’t surprise her plug your Geyser
11.) Don’t be a fool cover your tool
12.) Restrain your log then plow her bog
13.) Cover old pete then grind her meat
14.) Cover your vein then drive her insane
15.) Wrap that pickle then slip her a tickle
16.) Shroud your trout then make her shout
17.) Dress that erection to make a deflection
18.) Stop the stream before you cream
19.) Sock that wanger before you bang her
20.) Sash that hash then thrash that gash
21.) Cover your stone before you bone
22.) House your hose then curl her toes
23.) Shield your rocks then pond her box
24.) Blanket old juicy then plug old loosey
25.) Do a good deed, don’t spill your seed.

This post brought to you whilst also browsing for some home theater furniture.