Commercials are funny; they tell you that if you give PRODUCT X, the recipient will love and cherish not only you — but that moment for the rest of their life. In reality, if I received an expensive diamond or and white SUV wrapped in a bow, I would strike down my loved one with a righteous and furious anger: “WE’RE IN AN ECONOMIC DOWNTURN, OH MY GO- .”

While some of this is in jest, what is more wasteful — a surprise, expensive diamond or an SUV? Are diamonds really just commodities like orange juice and bacon or are they special since they traditionally mark special events? Do you ever see an ad and think to yourself, “If I got that I would be ______.”?

Though I don’t know the details, I’ve heard that diamonds, slavery, and African exploitation are all connected — all in the name of shiny. Yes, I believe that there are some places that don’t have the luxury of choosing good jobs or bad jobs, but the product just holds no value for me. (See also Wilmington NC real estate.) An SUV, while loathsome and expensive, is useful. I could use it as storage or drive around cutting people off. I could tow trucks and park really badly at Home Depot. It’s has some utility and value. Rocks is rocks. With an SUV, I could haul a bunch of them (kinda) And yes, Ron Popeil would sell diamonds if he could.