Posts Tagged “food”

Don't eat any Chinese food today or you will be sick.

Random Unrelated Image: Turn Left!

On one particularly sunny summer Saturday, while watching the comedian Dave Attell crack jokes about eating penguins, the dreaded discussion of dinner plans developed. Not wanting to cook, my wife suggested we order some kind of take-out. In the mood for something south of the border, I suggested Mexican food. But alas, my taco and enchilada filled dreams were not to materialize as I had to concede to my family’s wishes of Chinese food.

I went along with what my family wanted and ordered beef lo mien.

Twenty minutes later, I relaxed on the microsuede sofa, periodically eating the passable lo mien straight out of the carton, still chuckling at the comedic styling of Dave Attell. As usual, the vegetables along with the noodles were either soggy or a little too singed and the beef was over cooked and fatty, but my hunger wouldn’t allow me to neglect a decent meal.

After consuming around half of the container along with an egg roll, I decided enough was enough, closed the carton and stuck it in the refrigerator. I finally arrived at my favorite part of the Chinese take out experience, the end accompanied by a fortune cookie. With a pleasant snap I broke the little piece of fried dough right down the center.

Something was missing from the oriental concoction. I noticed, to my bewilderment, the lack of a fortune, a big disappointment when spending an entire meal looking forward to some quip about success and an assortment of lucky lottery numbers. But not wanting to waste a treat, I popped each half of the broken cookie into my mouth without flourish.

Who would make such a shoddy fortune cookie? I thought of writing the company an unfavorable e-mail in bold red type, but then again it was only a cookie and the best they could do was offer condolences or send me another. Could a fortune cookie sans fortune even be called a fortune cookie, or was it now just a cookie, albeit one in my stomach? Maybe the situation presented a blank check of sorts, an opportunity to make up my own fortune. Or maybe it was just a fortune cookie without a fortune.

All of this cookie talk makes me wonder… does Leptovox work?

Random Image: Hot Dog Cookers

What is in a hot dog?

What is “variety meats”? Why that’s a response to the governments requirement that ingredients be disclosed on the label of food products, of course. The reality is probably not a mystery: everything from choice meat that didn’t make the cut to things that one would not even want to be in the same room with normally. And then there’s sodium nitrate. That wonderful preservative that’s been linked to cancer. Oh, and don’t forget MSG.

Do you eat hot dogs? Why? Why not?

I eat them, but I think that it’s mandatory to do so if you live in West Virginia.

That’s right, it’s time for stinky breath, smelly sweat, and odiferous flatulence to once again permeate the air around everyone who eats these little gems from nature. A native plant in West Virginia and the Appalachian mountains, (you can find them from South Carolina to Quebec) the pungent yet sweet and oh so mouth watering smell of these guys has probably never graced the nostrils of most people in the nation. And you either like these things, or you can’t stand them. There is very little middle ground when it comes to the taste.

I went out over the weekend to one of my favorite spots back in the woods and proceeded to fill my bag with the little green and white leeks. One bagful will usually do the wife and I for a while. Vacuum packed and placed in the freezer, they will last for several months. The digital camera photographs below are of what I brought home. This is only a drop in the bucket compared to what is growing in my “patch”. There are bushels of these things growing there.

In central Appalachia, ramps are most commonly fried with potatoes in bacon grease or scrambled with eggs and served with bacon, pinto beans, and cornbread. Ramps, however, are quite adaptable to almost any food style and can also be used in soups, puddings, ketchup, guacamole and other foods, in place of onions and garlic. Some people like them raw, but others say the aroma of raw wild leeks stays with one for days.

The community of Richwood, West Virginia holds the annual “Feast of the Ramson” (sometimes called “The Ramp Feed”) in April. Sponsored by the National Ramp Association, the ‘ramp feed’ (as it is locally known) brings thousands of ramp aficianados from considerable distances to sample foods featuring the plant. During the ramp season (late winter through early spring), restaurants in the town serve a wide variety of foods containing wild leeks. They will occasionally make you pass gas a lot!

The community of Whitetop, Virginia holds its annual ramp festival the third weekend in May. It is sponsored by the Mount Rogers volunteer fire department and features local old time music from Wayne Henderson and other bands and a barbecued chicken feast complete with fried potatoes and ramps and local green beans. A ramp-eating contest is held for children through adults.

In Canada, wild leeks are considered rare delicacies. Since the growth of leeks is not as widespread as in West Virginia and because of destructive human practices, wild leeks are an endangered species in Quebec.