Posts Tagged “Bacon”

Commercials are funny; they tell you that if you give PRODUCT X, the recipient will love and cherish not only you — but that moment for the rest of their life. In reality, if I received an expensive diamond or and white SUV wrapped in a bow, I would strike down my loved one with a righteous and furious anger: “WE’RE IN AN ECONOMIC DOWNTURN, OH MY GO- .”

While some of this is in jest, what is more wasteful — a surprise, expensive diamond or an SUV? Are diamonds really just commodities like orange juice and bacon or are they special since they traditionally mark special events? Do you ever see an ad and think to yourself, “If I got that I would be ______.”?

Though I don’t know the details, I’ve heard that diamonds, slavery, and African exploitation are all connected — all in the name of shiny. Yes, I believe that there are some places that don’t have the luxury of choosing good jobs or bad jobs, but the product just holds no value for me. (See also Wilmington NC real estate.) An SUV, while loathsome and expensive, is useful. I could use it as storage or drive around cutting people off. I could tow trucks and park really badly at Home Depot. It’s has some utility and value. Rocks is rocks. With an SUV, I could haul a bunch of them (kinda) And yes, Ron Popeil would sell diamonds if he could.

Tags: Bacon, Bad Jobs, Commercials, Commodities, Diamond, Diamonds, Economic Downturn, funny, Furious Anger, Home Depot, Jest, Orange Juice, Product X, Recipient, Red Ribbon, Rocks, Ron Popeil, sex, Storage, Surprise, Trucks, Wilmington Nc Real Estate

• I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• I have a strange craving right now for French toast. And syrup (the real kind!). And bacon, with orange juice. And a waitress named ‘Flo’ or ‘Betty’.
• One time in Tennessee I was watching these penguins at an aquarium for hours, they were so funny… and they had multicolored hair sticking out of their ears. There was this one big penguin who beat up the other penguins and got to the top of the rock. Then another penguin and his buddy tried to overthrow him but the king penguin pooped on them before they could and they looked very embarrassed and hopped down into the water. I laughed.
• For some reason, the word ‘Festoon’ makes me laugh. It’s not quite Fester, not quite Dubloon, and not quite Pontoon. Titmouse. How can you not laugh at Titmouse?
• Never buy a book on how to write books. If the person who wrote it really knew how to write books, he’d be writing something that would make more money than a book about how to write books. It’s all in my book about how to avoid buying books about writing books.

Tags: Aquarium, Bacon, Banana, Bullets, Buying Books, Ears, Festoon, Flo, French Toast, How To Write Books, King Penguin, Opponent, Orange Juice, Penguin, Penguins, Time Flies Like An Arrow, Titmouse, Top Of The Rock, Waitress, Writing Books