My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you’re not.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other –
That is, until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, The sugar bowl’s empty, and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes …….
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
These poems are usually best when used in conjunction with one of her performance reviews. They are usually poor, so this is a good way to get back. 
Entries (RSS)
Very touching, I had to blot my eyes 3 or 4 times just to finish reading that fine piece of work. If that doesn’t get you laid man. . . what can I say? There’s not justice in this world.
I couldn’t agree more. These are the loveliest poems one has ever laid their eyes on.
I don’t know how long comments can/should be - but I could not resist:
* Redneck Valentine Poem *
Collards are green,
my dog’s name is Blue
and I’m so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flappin in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s
and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
which excite me in may.
You ain’t got no scales
but I luv you anyway.
Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry
jist a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff”
right out of the can.
You have some’a yore teeth
for which I am proud.
I hold my head high
when we’re in a crowd.
On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I’m in hawg heaven
and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
yo’re there fer yore man,
to patch up life’s troubles
and fix what you can.
Yo’re as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin’ overhead.
You ain’t mean like those far ants
I found in my bed..
Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete.
Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.
Yore complexion, it’s perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin’
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin’.
Me “n” you’s like a moon pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
for a Valentine’s Day,
they git it at Wal-Mart,
it’s romantic that way.
Some men git roses
on that special day
for the cooler at Krogers,
that’s impressive, I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever”,
they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
these won’t do.
Cause yo’re too special,
you sweet thang you..
I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds….
IT’S A NEW TROLL’N MOTOR!!!
Bucky is SUCH a romantic!
Superbly said….don’t you guys read it when the wife is around or you’ll get a good smacking.