Mary Had A Little Lamb, And Other Poetry

Anonymous Sports Betting

Mary had a little lamb.
She fed it kerosene.
The little lamb sat near a fire,
Since then its not benzene.

πŸ™‚

A pun is the lowest form of wit,
It does not tax the brain a bit;
One merely takes a word that’s plain
And picks one out that sounds the same.
Perhaps some letter may be changed
Or others slightly disarranged,
This to the meaning gives a twist,
Which much delights the humorist.
A sample now may help to show
The way a good pun ought to go:
It isn’t the cough, that carries you off,
It’s the coffin they carry you off in.”

πŸ™‚

If you wash your dishes with Pride
Or Joy and the water you’ve tried
To dump on the beach
I’m really should teach
You… Detergent’s not fit to be tide

πŸ™‚

My dog wanted some sort of treat
But I was just fresh out of meat
With leftover chops
His whimpering stops
I told the mutt, “Bone appétit”

πŸ™‚

Any yard work, to me, is not play.
To my wife words of praise I did say:
“When you’re out cutting grass,
You’re my favorite lass,
And I lawn for you mower each day.”

πŸ™‚

An old Catholic priest, Father Blass
Dealt a message both condemning and crass
His sermon was loaded
And it finally exploded
When flock had reached critical mass

πŸ™‚

There was a young lady called Bright
Whose speed was far faster than light
She went out one day
In the relative way
And returned the previous night

πŸ™‚

Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
10,000 volts shot up it’s arse
and turned it’s fleece to nylon

πŸ™‚


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To Those Who Enjoy A Glass Of Wine, And Even Those Who Don’t

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) – bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service.


Posted in Funny Stuff by .

How To Steal An Xbox

…and other Google searches.

A post from Tish regarding odd searches that led to her blog made me wonder what people searched for when they were led to this blog. The resulting list is both humorous and frightening. Here are a few of the stranger ones:

  • kathouse asheville nc(because everyone needs to know where the closest kathouse is)
  • funny did you know penis(I know a fella named Dick, but he’s not very funny)
  • underage boys(should not skip school!)
  • underage sex(depends on what your definition of “is” is)
  • west fucking virginia(is better than east fucking virginia)
  • underwater naked(underwater, above water, lights on, lights off, under the covers, on top of the covers…doesn’t matter)
  • wet and suck(see above)
  • wife finds condom(did she find it in a ditch, or on another mans penis?)
  • Penis Circus(could become a new skit on Letterman; stupid penis tricks)
  • testicles for trucks(vaginas for cars?)
  • how to steal an xbox(even thieves need advise sometimes)
  • proof that reproduction has pleasure for animals(sometimes you have to step back and examine the sexual acts of animals. Is it reproduction, or is it rape?)
  • what to do when you hit a deer in west virginia(you put it in your testicle covered pick-up truck, and have a cookout)

There you have it. Some of the weirdest Google searches that have led “people” to this blog. I don’t know why, or how, but the facts are true. This blog is apparently a filth laden, sexually demoralizing, utter piece of garbage. You should be ashamed of reading it.

This isn’t really a meme, but it should be. I think it is interesting to see what people search for. If Mike would be willing, I would love to see what strange things people search for when visiting his blog.


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