Archive for February, 2008

Indiana fans take a swipe at Purdue’s female community.

Jeff Green was the target of this Duke fan’s wrath when the two teams squared off.

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Wal-Mart (it’s not just for fiber optic cables anymore!) announced that, sometime in 2008, it will begin offering customers a new discount item —- Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine.

The world’s largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2 - $5 range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but “there is a market for inexpensive wine,” said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Univ. of Arkansas, Bentonville. “But the right name is important.”

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart varietal. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:

10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can’t Believe it’s not Vinegar
2. Grape Expectations
1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

1. Singapore is the most expensive place on earth to own a car.
2. Singapore is one of two cities in the world with a tropical rainforest.
3. A day on Mars is about half an hour longer than a day on Earth.
4. Russia’s president Putin has worked in the KGB’s foreign intelligence service.
5. A rollercoaster has no engine.
6. About 10% of all human beings ever born are alive at this very moment.
7. One in every foru Americans Has appeared on Television.
8. About 80% of women wear the wrong size bra.
9. Sri Lanka has the highest number of snakebite deaths in the world.
10. Ethiopia will be celebrating millennium in September 2007.
11. The first print ad for Johnnie Walker appeared in 1883.
12. A puma has about 75% killing efficiency.
13. Uganda has the source of River Nile.
14. About 80% of your poo is water.
15. Shower chairs make for some kinky shower fun.
16. 70% of all Land Rovers ever made are estimated to still be on the road.
17. The Pima tribe in Arizona has the highest rate of diabetes in the world.
18. It takes around 10 litres of milk to make 1kg of cheese.
19. More people get killed by dogs than by sharks.
20. You swallow about a quart of snot everyday.

First off, let’s set out the criteria : a BAD porn movie title does the opposite of its intention, which is to arouse your interests and convince you to buy the tape. Nope, these titles work against them — they disgust, confuse or just plain turn you off. I’ve divided them up into 5 categories : 1) Gross, 2) Groan, 3) Stupid, 4) What The Hell, and 5) The Porn Store Clerk Laughed At Me. I’ll elaborate later.

There are a number of exclusions. Foreign titles are out because a bad translation is out of the original namer’s control. Ethnic videos were also excluded because they’re all pretty offensive, so “Chicken Chow Mine” and “Sushi Girls #24 - Stir Fry Snatch” are not on the list, as well as pretty much all the black videos. (I have never seen so many uses of the words “ho” and “booty” in my life.) Gay is out because the titles always make me giggle or extremely uncomfortable. Also, any movie titles describing a disgusting sex act were disqualified because that’s a personal bias. So you don’t get “Bust A Nut In Grandma’s Butt” because some people like old women. Really old women. Yikes. “Edward Penishands” was immediately out because that one pops up on EVERYBODY ELSE’S Best Porn Movie Title list because it is actually an awesome title. I saw that movie. That had to be the worst porn shoot ever for that poor guy.

To research this article, I used the online database of over 70,000 movies at http://excaliburfilms.com. They’re all real titles — look them up if you want to. (I’m not linking to each one of these !) I have not seen all of these films. Actually, I have not seen any of these films. And I don’t want to — hence, this list. It is certainly not definitive, I simply could not review every single porn movie title ever. You have to draw a limit somewhere. The list is numbered, but it is not ranked because I can’t be bothered. You may also disagree with my choices because the title actually turns you on. I don’t care. You’re sick.

GROSS - these are disgusting titles that should turn you off completely :

1. THE ANAL GIRLS OF TOBACCO ROAD 2 : VAGINA SLIMES
2. LET’S PLAY STAIN THE COUCH
3. CRACK WHORES OF AMERICA
4. PRIME CUTS - YO QUIERO TACO SMELL
5. AMATEURS ONLY #129 - I’M A BROWN SHIT-HOLED WHORE
6. SEX STARVED FUCK SLUTS #22 - STINKY WHITE WOMEN

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One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my sister who is four years younger than I am. I was maybe 6 and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other minor injuries.

Someone had given my sister a little ‘tea set’ and clip on earrings as get-well gifts because I was getting “get-well” gifts. She played with them often.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my sister was playing nearby in the living room when she brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch my sis bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest
thing!

My Mom waited, and sure enough, there she came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, ‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet? Nothing much was said after that…